Can a gay man love his wife
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They cannot be “out” socially, at work, or at school without judgments from others. Rob responded to this with disappointment and anger, withdrawing further from his wife. The difference in our marriage is that culture hasn’t trained us to automatically assume that our spouse will eventually have to yield. (If you're thinking that you can cure the gay by having your husband go to gay conversion therapy, read this.)
What's important to remember is that the husband's homosexuality is entirely his responsibility and has nothing to do with the wife.
The feedback he received from his partner was that he was “too intense” and “moved too quickly.” He talked about how awkward dating was for what felt like the first time in his life. They think that for a marriage to work one person must play the “wife” role and the other the “husband” role, regardless of the gender to which those roles are assigned.
Yet the lack of those clearly defined expectations is what we value most about our marriage.
Just out of alcohol rehabilitation treatment, he’d begun attending AA meetings, where he’d shared parts of his story. The wife has not been inadequate in any way and likely the gay husband married her because he truly cared about her. She may fear that because he is gay, he will leave her. It’s not about the strict definition of “marriage.” It’s about the people in the marriage.
Some gay men believe that being married can rid them of their homosexuality. Meanwhile, I provided Rob with as much information as possible about ways gay married men and their wives have chosen to restructure their contracts with each other. He sighed and began: “Okay, I’m gay, I’m married, I have three kids, and I’m not getting divorced.” He’d shared some of this information with me in our phone conversation, but I was still struck by the sense of hopelessness in his tone.
The full version is available in the May/June 2010 issue
What Straight Husbands Can Learn From Gay Husbands
As a married same-sex couple, we sometimes meet people who can’t wrap their heads around the idea of a marriage devoid of gender roles. Many men have shared with me their panic after initial sessions with well-meaning therapists who supported “authenticity” while not acknowledging the complexity of honoring multiple and complex identities.
He’s found a Roman Catholic religious community that’s accepting of his sexual orientation. He may fear that if he admits he is gay, she will leave him. Some have chosen to divorce, and are either in the process of divorcing or have been divorced for a while. If a husband is gay, it can devastate not only the relationship but the straight wife as well.
Signs of a Gay Husband – Is My Man Gay?
The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you.
Many women find it much harder to accept that their husband is leaving them for another man rather than for another woman. As a therapist, I saw my job in this case as conducting a careful conversation with Rob about how he viewed the incongruity of his identities, and through gentle challenging of his assumptions, helping him discover a way to live with greater clarity, which might conceivably include even greater ambiguity.
So after he’d finished his introduction, I simply said, “You sure have a lot to manage.
In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the gay husband with the evidence, and only then can honestly be achieved.
But if you're wondering, "Is my man gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, according to Kaye. For months, they continued to sleep separately, have meals together, engage in social events together, but not discuss whether or to what extent either of them was engaging in relationships outside their marriage.