Gay public grope
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“By the time I figured out what he was doing, I just wanted him to finish and leave.…I didn’t want anybody else to notice what was going on, because I was so embarrassed by the whole thing,” she says. “My girlfriend had gone to the toilet and I was sat on a bar stool. “We were being kind of raunchy,” she says. I’ll never, ever forget that, because it’s probably the most degraded I’ve ever felt in my life.
Take a straight man to a gay club and they soon understand why women aren’t up for being harassed on a night out.
“I’m constantly being groped”
Speaking from personal experience, I’m consistently being grabbed and rubbed up against in the club by men who haven’t shown me the decency of a simple nod.
It felt like we couldn’t be an openly gay couple in a place made for us to be openly gay.”
Still, Lisa acknowledges that the venue staff were helpful when they were made aware of what had happened. It is essential to foster supportive environments where individuals feel safe to share their experiences. I don’t think I could explain that in a way that a guy could understand.”
This column is the second in a series.
He knew he had me. “I can see how it must annoy some people, but personally I don’t mind a friendly slap or grope if you’re hot,” she says. Sure, it’s easy to laugh it off with a “ain’t you gonna buy me dinner first?” and you’re often encouraged to deal with it with an affecting ‘get over it’ attitude.
In saunas and sex clubs there’s more of an understanding of consent
Sexual etiquette is integral to the fabric of saunas and sex clubs.
I felt violated, and pissed off, but I couldn’t even muster the courage to make eye contact.” In both instances, Liz did not confront her attackers. But she did not immediately register a physical reaction to the assault.
“I’m out and about on London’s gay scene a lot – I’d say I get touched without permission at least once every couple of weeks in gay venues.
So when she headed out to Dupont Circle gay bar Cobalt one night in 2006, Graves and a male friend hit the crowded dance floor hard. It’s unlikely to happen,” says Ian Howley.
“The first was in a bar,” she recalls. “I certainly didn’t have my guard up like I do in a club where I expect there to be straight men.” The guy who shows up at the gay bar looking to target straight women is aware that his victim is unsuspecting.
“He was strong enough that I had to adjust my body to not get knocked over,” she says. I probably just ignore it most of the time ’cause I’ve got a job to do. “We’ve had a few times when it’s happened and we’ve been made aware of it. “Maybe they were just [straight guys] in those clubs to pull shit like this,” she says.
But my friend is gay, and we’re just being ridiculous and having fun.”
Later in the evening, another dancer decided to join in on the fun. “I was 14.”
A couple of years later, Liz was groped again—this time at a concert in Philly. “We were all still moving,” she says. “I wasn’t actively groped,” explains Rinehart, a 24-year-old office administrator.